bakame
by raelynn gross
Summary: our fav duo meet excalibur
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN SOUL EATER

The legendary sword part 4: Maka and Soul's turn to meet Excalibur?

Why us? Soul pondered as he watched the legendary sword Excalibur dance around his livingroom. Blair had long gone leaveing Soul and his Miester alone. Maka was prancing around the kitchen attempting to make the special tea the rodent wanted. Suddenly a white cane swooshed in his face yanking his earphones from him.

"What the-" Soul began only to be enteruppted by the white demon.

"FOOL! You must take part in my five hour story telling." Excalibur ordered. Soul was an inch from slicing the sword intwo when his miester walked in with a tray of tea.

"Here you go Excalibur." she said as she brush her pigtails from her face. One sip from the small cup and the glass was thrown at the young girl. Soul lunged for his miester as blood from the cut skin dripped to her neck.

"Hey watch it you stupid-" but once again Soul was interupted.

"FOOL!" Hhe shouted thrusting his cane in the two teens faces as Soul held his now fuming miester back from attacking. Slowly he pulled Maka toward the bathroom closing and locking the door behind them.

"Ok new plan. Lord Death want's us to watch him as my first official Deathscythe mission right?" Soul began. Once Maka nodded he continued.

"So all we have to do is make sure no one comes to claim him during the week that we have him. So we just stay locked in our bathroom and allow the small freak to choas mahyem all alone." he finished as his voice cracked from his giddyness.

"And if someone comes or one of us has to go to the bathroom or shower?" Maka deadpanned. Soul remained silent now thinking over his plan.

"Soul that thing is going to need to go to the bathroom to and to hell if it goes in my house." she fumed.

"Our house." Soul automaticlly corrected. Suddenly a strong disgusting smell reached their nose's.

"Oh hell no." Soul cursed.

"To late. And I was so hopeing it was potty trained." she sulked before giving Soul the you clean it up look.

"Rock, paper, siccors." he replied holding out his fist. Maka grinned as she mimicked his stance. After three tries and Soul loseing each one the albino sulked out to meet his fate.

"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SHIT OUT SOMETHING THAT HUGE!" she heard her weapon scream. Holding her breathe she stompped out to see the damage. Once she entered the living room she wished she had rethunk her plan. A pile of dung bigger than her bookshelf stood before her. Soul was backed into a corner holding his nose and covering his lower face. The smell was horendous as Excalibur ranted about the importance of dry cleaning or something like that.

"Maka do we put his nose in it or what?" Soul asked his miester caustiously. she shrugged as she handed him the paper towels from the kitchen. Soul's eye's switched rapidly between both the pile and towels.

"You have got to be kidding me?" at Maka's silent reply he sighed. "So uncool." And with that the albino went to work cleaning the mega doo doo pile. After two hours of curseing and an accident includeing Blair speeding through the weapons feet causing him to fall face first into the incessive crap Soul had finished.

"Clean up and then come help me cook dinner." the blonde miester laughed at her sulky weapons defeated look. Without any struggle he wordlessly stulked to the bathroom and closed the door. In the now clean and disenfected livingroom Excalibur marched around proclaiming his excellance. With a sigh Maka fixed her pigtails and began taking down the ingrediants needed for dinner. Soul had reappeared after she started boiling the water for spegettie.

"Um, my favorite." he whispered as he licked the bottom of her ear. Maka smirked as she turned and wrapped her arms around the older boy. As they inched closer to each other a small white figure rushed in.

"FOOL'S!" Excalibur called out slicing his cane between the young couple.

"What the hell is your problem!" Soul yelled as he shoved his miester behind him.

"FOOL! My legend dates back to the twealth century. I began my morning's with a cup of herbal tea in my backyard. I was a ruff and tuff person..." Excalibur trailed on as Soul turned off the cooking pot and tugged his partner out the door.


	2. must have sleep

DISCLAIMER: FOOLS MY LEGEND DATES BACK TO THE TWEALVTH CENTURY… EVEN THEN I DID NOT OWN SOUL EATER

I haven't slept in three days. Maka finally caved on my sleep in the bathroom plan after placing a small toilet in the living room (Excalibur's orders) and a large sheet separating the living part of the bathroom from the um more private area. As of right now though, my bladder was telling me to visit said area. Maka on the other hand was asleep on said bladder. Damn it Maka. I franticly search for the pillows we had brought in with the blankets. How said material could go missing in such a small room astounded me.

"Hey Maka I gotta pee." I plead trying to move said girl. All that greeted him was a bleak green eye studying him before closing again.

"Then pee I'm sleeping." She growled. Excalibur had angered her more than even Blackstar could. No wonder the hyper brat avoided them this week. From behind the door I could hear the legendary sword talking in his sleep.

"Even in his sleep its annoying." I growled as I finally made my way to the toilet. The next day in school we were once again avoided like the plague. This time I couldn't blame them. That damn sword was a plague and my miester was the one it loyally followed. I wisely kept my mouth shut about it. So far her Maka chops had been given to the white dancing rodent and not me (yay brain cells). No I had wisely hidden myself in the bathroom every day after school. Now hiding was not cool but even cool guys knew when they were defeated.

"Soul pass me the headache pills." Maka whispered as she held her head in defeat. This ritual had begun the night the bastard decided to claim the main part of the house his. Between the two of us the pharmacy at the school had taken to sending them via Hiro (who seemed immune to the annoying blob) to our home.

"Get me one out as well." I muttered as Sid busied himself with throwing knives at the five hour story telling sword.

"If Sid manages to kill it or if I decide to scythe him we tell Lord Death he killed over." Maka said as Excalibur's cane wacked the back of her head sending said body part forward slightly. I nodded as he massaged her sore bruise. Finally when we arrived home I decided to commit brain cell suicide (of course living with Maka for the past three years meant this didn't faze me.

"You take the bathroom I've got lord of the douche bags." I sighed as I prepared myself for the horror of the evening.

SIX HOURS LATER

I crept in the small bathroom hoping not to wake my miester. Her wavelength had been as staggered as mine these last few days.

"We take the bastard home the day after tomorrow." She whispered as she placed her arms around me. I could hear the excitement in her voice and it cracked like a whip in our wavelength. I nod happy that she's happy. If this is what it's like to be a death scythe then I need more aspirin.

"FOOLS WE STILL HAVE TO HAVE A FIVE HOUR STORY TELLING!" Excalibur yelled banging his cane on the door. Both Maka and I groaned as we tried to drone out the horrid demons voice. So much for sleep.


	3. sex deprived

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SOUL

Currently Soul was squeezing himself in random spots inside the bathtub as his miester laid beneath him. His sexual frustrations had finally gotten to him. Besides with that prancing freak residing in their home what else was there to do? But like everything else something had to go wrong for the poor demon scythe. As he was placing kisses amongst his loves neck said lover pushed him away.

"Maka it's not cool to reject my sexual needs _after_ I begin them." Soul barked as he attempted to continue his task while annoying the song floating to their ears from the back bedroom.

"He's in my room Soul. What are we going to do?" Maka asked as her partner groped her chest.

"Not cool Maka. I am trying to be affectionate but it sort of ruins the mood if _"it" _is on your mind and not me. And so help me if I place my hands any lower and you're ready because of him I will leave you right now." Soul snarled as he tried to confirm his fear. Such a pessimist.

"Don't worry I know what you're doing and so does my body but I can't just sit here while it raids my room. I mean my books are in there going through hell." Maka whimpered. Soul sighed knowing that as long as her books were in danger he wasn't getting laid.

"Maka I need sex, I need sex or I will explode. Seriously I've done it before." Soul rambled as he tried to regain his miesters lost attention.

"There's a toilet right there and you're hands are working fine." Maka rebottled as she attempted to sit up. Soul would have none of that as he pushed her back done. His eyes had gone manic as he stared at his love.

"Maka I am a very sexually frustrated teen and no cane wielding weapon is going to stop me from having sex with my girlfriend. It can take my house-" soul started.

"Our house." Maka kindly interrupted.

"It can eat my food."

"Or food."

"But no way in hell is it going to-" but before he could finish the bathroom door jerked open to reveal Excalibur.

"FOOL'S!" it shouted as he pointed his cane at them. Soul groaned as Maka sat up and climbed over to the weapon.

"What's wrong Excalibur?" she asked tiredly as Soul walked towards the door.

"I require a large king crab from the middle of the Atlantic ocean." He instructed. Both miester and weapon stared dumbstruck at the news.

"Can you even get that in a store?" Soul finally asked.

"FOOL'S!" he yelled waving his cane again as both Maka and Soul dodged for cover.

"FOOL'S I DEMAND YOU- " He said pointing his cane at Soul. "TO GO AND RETRIEVE MY CRAB." Soul glanced at Maka before calmly walking to his room. Maka tilted her head in confusion at Soul's sudden blank wavelength. Suddenly maniacal laughter was heard as Soul reappeared grinning sadistically. He had either snapped or fallen victim to black blood finally.

"Um Soul are you ok?" Maka asked worried for her boyfriend's sanity.

"Let's see Maka by the time we reach Excalibur's home it will be midnight. So We will have full filled our mission and returned the sword back to its rightful place with the pretty fairies." He laughed clearly having gone insane. It took all of five minuet's before the young blonde had Soul driving his bike towards the sunset and the holy sword trapped in her satchel.

"I am so getting laid after this." Soul told his miester after they exited the city limits.

"Fine but you have to write your part of the essay on the crappy sword." She informed him.

"Fair enough." Soul replied as Excalibur's theme song played in his head. _Damn song._


	4. excalibur the final chapter

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUL EATER

This was the worst plan my meister has ever come up with. Here we stood forced to listen to the most annoying thing on this planet.

"Maka, can we leave now, before I kill this idiot." I plead as Excalibur dances around before us. Maka turns her attention to me before returning to her notepad to continue her writing.

"No Soul professor Stien said to write this report on the holy sword or fail. Besides it's your fault we didn't kill the witch last mission." She snapped as the holy sword described his life in the twentieth century.

"FOOL!" the sword suddenly snapped slapping his cane repeatedly over my head.

"Hey I get hit enough already. Besides Maka you were unconscious I had to get you out of there." I stuttered as I shield my now pulsing cranium.

"Ah young love, I remember when I was in love…" Excalibur continued.

"You were actually loved by someone for more than two minutes." I laughed. Maka tried to hide her smile before a white cane slapped her nose. Growling I pull my pigtailed miester behind me.

"She and I were in love and that is why I drink herbal tea at night. Any questions?" he asked us. Ok Maka had better have gotten all of his ranting because I was about to kill the annoyance.

"Soul, scythe form." Maka whispered eerily. In a flash of light I was spinning in her hands. The ultimate weapon seemed unfazed as he danced around singing his theme song. Stupid weird….thing. Maka jumped around before swing to slice at the mutants head. Suddenly the two of us found ourselves on the ground. Maka slapped her hand to her cheek as I noticed blood run down to her neck.

"Maka!" I yelped as I rush to her side attempting to move her hand so I could check it.

"FOOL'S I AM EXCALIBUR YOU CAN NOT DEFEAT ME." He yelled majestically.

"Dude you are not cool. No one would fight you because you show no threat." I yell, angry at myself for allowing my partner to be injured in such a way.

"Soul, don't let's just go I have all we needed." Maka said as she stood to leave. Both of us grimaced as we left the cave praying we'd never see the stupid sword again.

"Maka, Soul did you finish your report on Excalibur I gave you?" Stien asked as he rolled toward us Monday morning. Both of us once again contorted our faces handing the papers to the sadistic teacher.

"Very good you may return to your seats." He said once he made sure we had actually done the report.

"So was he as bad as we told you?" Blackstar asked as he and Kidd held back their laughter. I guess the sight of our faces proved to be enough because soon every student who had been associated with the weapon now was laughing on the floor. I guess our turn with the annoyance wasn't cool but was inevitable. Sigh so uncool.


End file.
